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Doctor... A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? * None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant. * Three. They'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using it now. How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do and hope it will be working a bit better the next time they see it. A short history of medicine "Doctor, I have an ear ache." 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root." 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer." 1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion." 1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill." 1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic." 2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!" Ed. 2015 A.D. - "Are you insured?...." A fellow walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. A few minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room. Ten minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. Fifteen minutes later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." The doctor said, "Where?" He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?" You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if... Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet You think that caffeine should be available in IV form. You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain. You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if You have ever referred to someone's death as a You have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and Your most common assessment question is "what |
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Buckinghamshire Mind is a registered charity (1103063), a company limited by guarantee (5000185), and is affiliated to Mind. As a member of BACP we are bound by its ethical framework for good practice in counselling and psychotherapy, and subject to the professional conduct procedure therein.